That Friday Feeling
Roll on the weekend!
6pm on a Friday means that I get to hand the ‘mum’ role over to Mark. Mark gets the full 2 days to see Z to interact and play whilst I take a huge step back. I often feel sorry for Mark as during the week he literally comes home and only has an hour with Z; in which he baths and gets him ready for bed. He doesn’t get the opportunity to play and coo over his son during the week as bedtime routine over-rides the fun.
Having worked in retail (Shout-out to H&M, none of my words reflect the company yada yada) prior to taking adoption leave I didn’t really get the Friday feeling. All it meant to me was a bottle of wine, as Mark would be knackered after his week of pretending to be professional. However now, the Friday feeling is absolutely real. It’s what gets me through my week!
Before we adopted, we were asked are you prepared for your life to be flipped on it’s head. We always answered with a dignified; until we have a child, we will never know. 3 months in and it’s now that I truly understand what our support worker, friends and family actually meant.
So that Friday feeling, it’s real, and today is frikken Friday!! Being a parent brings more to Fridays, more than Spotify uploading New Music Friday, more than the latest episode of How To Get Away With Murder more than the Friday night bottle of cheap wine. The weekend is a time I can shower for as long as I like, trim my beard and get rid of my monobrow. A time for sit down wees and number twos with mobile phone in hand! (only now I realise how gross this is, but we all do it). A time for the weekday loneliness to be put to the back of my mind.
Weekends mean I can say “oh you think, time for Daddy M to change that smelly nappy”. Weekends mean I’m not lonely, I have someone to talk to, someone to make me a cuppa, someone to watch crap tv with, someone to add those 7 scoops of Aptimil to water, someone to share Z with and last but not least someone to appreciate how well I dress Z! …For two whole frikken days!
There was a time (before Z obvs), that a shitty weekend or day off was appreciated. Being a store manager, I could dictate the store rotas and would often give myself a cheeky Sunday off, Saturday too if I was feeling extra naughty. A Weekend doing absolutely nothing was appreciated, nipping out to Tesco for a bottle of rose would be a push and that would be completely acceptable.
Ask me to have a weekend like that now and I would be gutted! I spend all week counting down the days to the weekend. The weekend equals Mark, Mark equals help and company and full-on family time! I have no shame in counting down the weekdays, I get excited to spend time as a family! When I pictured family life that is what I had in mind. Not the high pitch of fake crying, debating on whether it was too cold outside to go out, the loneliness of hours sat on the sofa watching Iggle Piggle, weight gain and Netflix asking me ‘if I’m still watching’ … I really hate how that feature instantly shames me.
– Side note, I feel the need to interject to redeem myself again. Obviously, I do love my weeks too, I get to spend quality time with my son, I get to see him grow and teach him new tricks. But did I mention I LOVE weekends?!
If a naff weekend is then followed by Monday morning; it feels like you had no weekend. It feels like a wasted opportunity. As you are back to reality and back to counting down to Friday. Its back to no-one, Just me and Z and as much as I love him, it gets real lonely during the day! There’s no-one to ask what outfit we are putting Z in, no one to listen to my sassiness, no one else to entertain your needy baby. There’s just no-one. Just you and your baby.
As gorgeous and fascinating as Z is, he doesn’t say much and he doesn’t make a brew yet. I often look at both Z and Alfie the dog and think how much better I would be if they could converse with me. Then realise it’s probably best they don’t, and enjoy life before Z learns to say NO. As for Alfie, I reckon he would be pretty annoying if he could talk.
Lonely days are hard. I’ve not yet figured out an answer to them but I have a feeling I’ll have my fair share of them for the remainder of my adoption leave. Or whenever I decide to go back to work. But then this will mean missing my everything, That everything is Baby Z!
*Mushy ending to what could be perceived as a negative post, it’s really not.*